|
October 1998, Vol. 1, No.1
Coming to grips with grief: A family’s struggle
The teenager was in the kitchen with her dad when he sank to the
floor, the victim of a heart attack. It was up to Danielle to call
911 that August morning in 1997. Her mom was out jogging in an
attempt to escape the worst of the August heat.
Despite everything, David Miller, 57, succumbed to his heart ailment
two weeks later. The director of the Hope Cottage Adoption Agency
left behind in Plano his wife Apala, a 12 year old son Jonathon, and
of course Danielle. She was 14 at the time.
She went on with life as if nothing had happened, said her mom. But
I knew she was holding in her anger. A few months later Danielle
told me, “don’t get angry but the police are going to call”. She
said she had egged a house and it had been reported. The police
interrogated her and eventually, the charges were dropped. But it
was an indication to me that Danielle was dealing with a lot, Mrs.
Miller said.
The Millers signed up for Journey of Hope and were there for the
opening session June 9. I had to take the kids kicking and
screaming, threatening them to get them to go, recalls Mrs. Miller.
They said they didn’t want to have to talk about death. They were
embarrassed to be feeling differently than other kids who had their
dads. They didn’t want to be put in a situation where they’d have to
show emotions. And it was very intimidating for them to go into a
situation not knowing what to expect, Mrs. Miller said. Perhaps
worst of all for teenagers, they didn’t know anyone.
But the kids came out smiling after the first meeting. Jonathan was
particularly pleased since the group celebrated his June 6 birthday
with a cake. Now he likes to go, said his mom. He says it’s the free
food…and he’s established relationships. Mrs. Miller said her
children don’t talk about what goes on in the sessions. They take
pride in the mystery of it. But she’s noticed a change in Danielle.
The day before the first anniversary of her dad’s death, the teen
asked permission to miss school. She took the day to grieve, Mrs.
Miller said. Journey of Hope gave her the permission to grieve. The
next day I found 50 wadded up Kleenexes on the floor in her room. It
was her cleansing process.
As for Jonathan, Mrs. Miller said she’s not sure where he is in the
grieving process. His main problem is a struggle with God. He’s
upset that God didn’t answer his prayer to save his dad…Although God
has answered other prayers, like getting his dad’s watch back to
Jonathan when he thought it was lost.
What Mrs. Miller likes about her own Journey of Hope group is the
sharing. It tells me I’m not crazy, I’m not stupid at some times,
she said. We’re all at different stages of the grieving process.
Meeting those who are further along shows there’s hope on the
horizon. I can think, one day I’ll be there, too. |
