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July 2002, Vol. 4, Issue 1
My Journey
April 21st, 2001 is the date my whole world turned upside
down. That is the day I lost my 16 year old son Shaun forever in a
car accident involving a drunk driver.
I remember waking up that April morning and the sun shining bright
in a clear sky. Shaun and his Dad went up to the high school where
Shaun was attending a S.A.T. workshop. The workshop started on
Saturday and ended on Sunday, each being 8 hour days. Even though
Shaun was just a sophomore, he’d been looking forward to college
even before he started high school. On his first day at the workshop
he came home for lunch before going back for the last 4 hours of the
day. My husband said that he had a great lunch with all the kids
that day while I was out doing some shopping. Shaun wanted to be
prepared for the real thing, so that he had the best chance possible
to be accepted at a top college.
I came home around 5pm that day and went up to get a shower and
heard Shaun in his shower also. By the time I got out and was ready
to go out with my husband and 2 of my 4 children, Shaun was already
gone. I seemed to keep missing him on this day. On the way to a dirt
bike competition in the Texas Stadium, my husband informed me that
Shaun wasn’t going to work like I thought, he was going to the
movies with his girlfriend. He was actually supposed to work that
night and quit after being miserable for some time at his job.
Shaun was in love. This was the first girl he’d brought home to meet
Mom and Dad, and I was delighted for him. Unfortunately, we didn’t
know it then, but Shaun’s girlfriend had to work, and he was just
out cruising around visiting friends to pass the time until she got
off work.
The dirt bike competition was over about 10:45, and we headed home
stopping off at a Denny’s to grab a bite to eat. It was around 11:15
that I called my mother to check on my youngest daughter that she
was keeping for the night, when my mother informed me that Shaun was
in a car accident. My heart sank and I asked her if he was alright.
She proceeded to tell me that he had been care-flighted to Parkland
hospital in Dallas. Needless to say, I collapsed to the floor
screaming, “Oh God, No!!”
When we finally made it to the hospital, it got even worse as we
were met by the chaplain and escorted to a private room where a
doctor joined us. The doctor said that Shaun was in pretty bad
shape; he had severed his liver in half and was bleeding internally.
After waiting and praying for what seemed like an eternity, the
doctor came back into the room and his look said it all. I heard the
words I’m sorry, as I slid down to the floor sobbing.
The first three months following the loss of my son were by far the
worse. I had lost nearly 50 pounds and all I wanted to do was
shrivel up and die. Then in August, I got a phone call from a woman
named Lynn. She told me she was a part of a group called Journey of
Hope. She then began to tell me her story of her own loss. She lost
her son only a month before we lost Shaun. She asked me if I would
give this group Journey of Hope a try, in which I promised her I
would.
It is just about a year now, since I attended my first session. The
Journey of Hope has been a tremendous help for my family and me. It
is made up of groups of people that have lost children, spouses,
parents, and siblings that meet twice a month for grief support. The
group’s main focus are the children, and I can tell you personally
how it has helped my then 4 and 5 year old. Whenever we miss a
meeting, my kids are the first to get on my case about it. This is
the only place outside the home that my children can open up and
tell somebody how they are feeling and how much they miss their big
brother. It is also very helpful being able to talk to others that
have been or are going through the same things. Just knowing that
your feelings and thoughts aren’t crazy after all is a great
relief.
If I can give just a little advice to anyone who is going through
the same thing that I am, my advice would be: take all the help you
can get, especially in the first few months, and a big part of that
is going to the Journey of Hope. Take the words of someone that has
survived what I think is the worse thing any person can go through.
It helps. I have made some really great friends in my new life
Journey.
Debbie Hepler
Wylie, Texas |
