Grief or Mourning?

Young Adult - Male - Age 20

Grief or Mourning???
by Herald Angel, 20, male

January 22, 2006

Many people seem to think there is no difference between grieving and morning. Society teaches that both should be suppressed, ignored or discouraged. Sadly, the world is worse for it.

Grieving consists of those feelings inside you that come about during and after you experience a loss; anger, sadness, depression, frustration, and other feelings, as well as the inner turmoil that takes place, is grief.

Mourning is the outward _expression of grief; crying, screaming, the inability to focus at school or elsewhere, or even excelling at work or school. Mourning is the process of expressing and alleviating the pain associated with loss.

Both are absolutely crucial to survival and health. If one does not grieve, it has been said that one does not love. We all experience loss at some time, and that can include being hurt by someone's insensitivity. If we do not mourn, those bottled-up feelings find their way to the surface, but not before damaging us on the inside. By not mourning, we can become hateful, bitter, and/or chronically depressed.

Sadly, our culture does not cater to the hurting. We are a society of people who don't know how to respond to a friend whose father/mother has died, or a person at work who just lost a sibling. Thankfully, some schools have counselors who know the importance of dealing with loss, but some do not.

One family told a story of their pre-teen son, who returned to school after his father's death. Another boy in the school of the same age taunted the boy whose father had died, made fun of him, and even told him his father deserved it. It broke into a physical fight. Needless to say, both children's parents were called. When the widowed mother of this hurting boy arrived and explained the situation, the principal asked, "That was three months ago, he should be over that by now!" When the boy became even more upset and ran to the bathroom to be alone, he was suspended, and the other boy returned to class.

Who was in the wrong? Some people think anger is an innapropriate _expression of grief, but it isn't. It should be directed; people can't logically be allowed to express their anger that would harm another person physically, but to suppress it means preventing them from healing. Statistics show that 95% of men in prison experienced the death of a loved one when they were still children. If society continues to tell children, young-adults and teenagers that they have no right to mourn, where is our culture headed but downward?

For your thoughts.

http://www.diaryproject.com/entries/?89457